I am spending a lot of time in meditation these days. What this really means is that when I have a free moment instead of watching tv, or readings something online, I meditate.

I want to awake. I am not really sure what this means and my friend Addy says that maybe I am already awake but I just dont know it – maybe !

Someone I meditate with told me that we meditate in order to learn who we are. What we is this? Is it the personality, some universal eternal, our highest self, some notion of a unique soul… do any of these things even exist outside of the language we use to describe them (ie concepts).

The personality I imagine, at this moment while I write this, is fleeting. I took my enneagram and I am an enneagram 7, lots of interests, doing lots of things, to distract myself from feeling pain and boredom. Inside I feel like a 5, an introvert, accumulating knowledge, existing in my own head. And in fact there is an idea that the child soul of a 7 is a 5. I have no idea what this means – but for me I feel like my child self felt like a 5 maybe my interior is a 5 or that my heart is a 5.

When I meditate am I getting to know myself as a 7 or a 7 with a child soul 5. Or Is this just the personality, the cloak I am wearing on this journey to earth. Is my eternal soul, should that exist, something else. Is this what the Jungian process of individuation is supposed to bring out. As I write this I imagine that the eternal soul while perhaps eternal is not static and to know the eternal soul is to know something like its contours and movements, the way it changes and grows to experience it like we experience the squash growing in the garden. What is knowledge here? It is not scientific knowledge of prediction, but appreciation, knowledge of a piece of music so I can appreciate it greater depth. I meditate so that I can get to know myself and deep myself.

I was listening to a podcast that said the blue cloak that the Virgin Mary wears in paintings is a representation of her etheric body, I imagine myself at night, if I feel alone, wrapping myself in my own blue cloak of my etheric body.